Carrying a Cell Phone Linked to Erectile Dysfunction

Uh-oh. Apparently a recent study yet to be expanded on indicates that men who carry cell phones in their pockets for a good portion of the day have a higher risk of getting erectile dysfunction:

As reported in the Environmental Health Trust’s latest newsletter, cell phones have now been linked to erectile dysfunction (ED). While numerous studies have shown that cell phone radiation leads to human sperm death and damage and decreased fertility, the new report of increased erectile dysfunction is sending shock waves through the men’s health community.

I find that last sentence to be grimly humorous. “For years, we’ve been told that cell phone radiation was bad for a man’s sperm count, but no one really cared about that. Free birth control. We were told that cell phone radiation was also linked to cancer. No big deal—gotta die of something. Erectile dysfunction? Horror of horrors! I don’t want my sex life to be affected. We need to look into this immediately!

Stupid. The results of the study are currently inconclusive, but it looks like similar men who carried active cell phones on their person for longer periods of time each day had a proportional increase in erectile dysfunction than men who carried them for shorter durations.

I suspect that the cell phone industry won’t be very happy about this initial findings. Any day now, competing statistics and studies will probably “pop up” to let us know that cell phones actually increase virility and sex appeal.

But I for one think that maybe we should have considered the longterm adverse effects of cell phones before we erected cell phone towers every ten feet and surgically implanted phones into the sides of our heads. Though I think cancer is a much more serious issue than erectile dysfunction, if ED is what it takes to get people to look into this, I guess I can let it pass for now.

13 responses

  1. This is so stupid. What is know is that plastics contain male hormone disrupting chemicals – that is a fact – this cell phone theory is just plain stupid. You think it might be the idea of the plastics industry? Eh?

        • Lighten up!
          Did you notice the jk at the end?
          Know what that means?
          It means I’m joking.
          No malice.
          Just a bit of humor.
          Some components of certain plastics are believed to be harmful. I’m not happy with that. Especially if the plastic
          is used to make baby bottles.
          There’s something else I’m not happy about. Have you noticed the stuff that settles on the inside of the windshield of your car. That’s plasticizer that vaporizes notably from the dashboard. It is a beast to remove. It also makes that nice new car smell. Guess what. We breathe it. I don’t like that.
          Do you smell gasoline when you add gas to your car? If so, you just sniffed some benzene. That stuff is really bad for you.

  2. Now we know why Obama has been giving out free cell phones to the brothers!
    Is now more interested in the Hispanic vote, since they are reproducing way faster than Blacks, or Whites for that matter.

  3. This is ridiculous, in fact just the opposite is the truth. I can use my cell phone any time I want to call a hooker, and there will be no erectile dysfunction. Who does these stupid studies, anyway?

Leave a Reply